Members decided you to an initial function of lobola is always to build a more powerful dating between one or two as well as their respective household. Eliza, a good 55-year-dated lady from inside the an official ilies to each other so that they should have a great relationships and i also would be to live-in the brand new household you to my family know.” Eliza's comments plus point to the latest official detection off a relationship you to definitely lobola will bring. Such transform increases the safety that women feel since explained of the Khana, that has been living with their unique partner (no lobola) for almost 10 years:

Without the formal recognition of your own partnership and the relationship anywhere between the 2 parents you to lobola brings, women are will left in a condition regarding liminality and you will uncertainty because explained from the Priscilla, a great thirty six-year-old lady who has been managing their own partner (no lobola) to have 18 many years:

If he is very in love, the guy will be pay lobola to ensure that both dad and mom could become met and you may women can also be satisfied that they're very existence in their own personal domestic. In case my guy did not pay lobola, it indicates that we in the morning perhaps not complete and so they [in-laws] don't like me. When the the guy paid off lobola, I'm free [getting confident in my reputation within his family relations], and there's no place I'm able to wade [get off the marriage], and my personal mothers are content from the me.

Though Khana's quote emphasizes the methods one to lobola brings parents to each other to get the happy couple, additionally features how familial investment about matchmaking is also limit good female's power to end a wedding. However, lobola is intended to make certain liability and you may obligation of your own family members (particularly the husband's) into welfare of the partners as well as their youngsters. In reality, this new joining from group to help with one or two when you look at the an occasion out-of problem kits certified ukelo, a beneficial 27-year-dated woman who has been dating their own boyfriend getting per year, described:

I liked your much and i also desired your so you're able to get married me

If it may appear your couple features dispute, it is hard on the wife's moms and dads in the future within the and you may resolve the issue. Capable state, “What makes you adhering to him at the same time your own husband didn't spend lobola?” They're able to say that they will not be able to help their own. If lobola might have been paid down, they're going to tell the couple to go over and you can solve the issue. Often whenever she will see their own parents in order to declaration it [the situation], they could posting their particular to correspond with their spouse. If you have zero lobola, parents would not gather and you can solve the challenge. The newest lobola are going to be reduced so the group shall be united.

There are no good things [about living to one another without lobola] however it is merely becoming diligent. As it can occur that you feel crappy that he failed to shell out lobola, or possibly he is able to changes their head [on staying in the partnership]. You could stick to him at the Kliknite ovdje da biste saznali viЕЎe same time he has his or her own arrangements. Your parents did not get any penny. Both you might stay only at house and then you rating information that spouse is getting hitched at the Jozi (Johannesburg), you never know! I am constantly considering which.

Yet not, aspirational records on what marriage results in aren't will came across indeed, because conveyed of the Hlekani, an excellent 23-year-old woman that never been formally married but lived which have an earlier spouse (zero lobola), who reflected on her behalf previous skills in her own lover's house:

At the same time I happened to be a bona-fide makoti. We woke up am and [mainly based a beneficial] flame while other people remained resting. I waiting breakfast for everyone. On the reverse side, you are expecting and you've got to cook, meanwhile the sunlight is hot [There was wit]. He was seeing their family just like the daylight assuming your browse the date, you will find it is in the evening nonetheless he is maybe not house. At that time you are planning on your and also you will not be capable sleep. You also inquire questions, instance, was the guy safe? By then I found myself very troubled.... But after that, I ily]. Really don't should see other's household to-be mistreated. I'm 100 % free at home while the I actually do some thing according back at my tend to.